To Let You Go
by Mai Kurosaki
Summary: They have gone through so much that they deserved a happy-ending. Or this is how Naoe and Takaya's story should have ended.
1. Takaya:  Breaking

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable plot and characters belong to Mizuna Kubawara, the creator of _Mirage of Blaze_. I am just borrowing her characters for entertainment purposes.

**Warnings:** My knowledge about the plot and characters comes from the anime only. In addition, I have changed some things to fit my story. The action is set a couple of years after the ending of _Mirage of Blaze OAV_. Any other mistake is born out of a too ardent desire to give these two the happy-ending they deserve.

One

_I wish I could just let you go_

Reincarnation was a bitch.

Always was. Always will.

What was the point of getting reincarnated anyways? If he thought about the people that surrounded him out of mere respect for a past life that was long gone, he would realize that nobody was happy. They all remembered everything, they all remembered the respect that they owed to him; they even remembered they owed him _obedience_.

Reincarnation was a bitch.

It gave you the possibility of coming back again and again and _again_. It was actually torturous. If someone was in his place, that is. Takaya looked up at the black sky illuminated by a rather red moon. Hmm, that was a bad omen. But since when something hasn't been a bad omen to him? He squeezed his fists. Really, it was all getting boring and torturous, but somehow he understood why Kagetora tried to seal away his memories.

Why come back with so many bad memories? He as Ougi Takaya had lived enough for just one life and he was still so young. But Kagetora was a different case. There were so many people expecting something from him; there were so many people craving for his powers. And Kagetora surely did a lot of things that regretted. In so many lives, he must have got tons of it; and it must have been difficult to lose all the people he cared about to these spiritual wars that never seem to end; always surrounded by people swearing their allegiances and then at the same time suffer in their own turn the destructions of every thing they held dear.

Reincarnation was a bitch.

Simply because he wanted to call it like that. Sometimes he was confused: he didn't know whether he was Ougi Takaya or Uesugi Kagetora. He didn't know whose glimpses of memory still remembered every now and then, whose pain he felt, whose friendship he felt, whose… love he felt. He was feeling trapped by this never ending confusion and he would have gladly erased everything in his memory all over again if that meant he could finally be at peace. However, peace was still prohibited to him.

He passed his long fingers through his jet black hair. He needed so many things; he needed to be free from this stupid thing called reincarnation because he was really getting tired. Was it so wrong to ask to be loved and respected for who he was? And not for who he had been?

There were many questions that were roaming though his mind, but one was definitely the most powerful. What about Naoe?

He needed closure.

He looked in his lonesome image reflected in the window. The lights from the city seemed so far away and yet so close. Takaya looked at them enviously and then slowly pushed his forehead against the cold glass, sighing heavily. It was another hotel room in a continuous string of hotel rooms, in which he had been living for the past two years. The coldness of it made him aware of all those things right now, because now he was waiting. Waiting for Naoe to take his prize. Waiting for Naoe to claim him as his own.

Would they be happy about it? Somehow, Takaya felt reluctant about the whole mess; nonetheless, he has never been more scared. It wasn't the fact that he was attracted to the older man. He had to admit that Naoe had been really beautiful and gentle in many ways with him. Yes, there have been many harsh exchanges between them along the years, but it always seemed to Takaya that Naoe was always going to forgive him for that. Has he always been acting with the pride of a winner? Well, he didn't know the answer to this question; and in all his honesty, he didn't want to know.

Takaya let himself fall on the bed, a bed that he should share with Naoe in a few hours. The attractive man was going to come and take his prize and somehow Takaya felt relieved to think about Naoe Nobutsuna. He could almost feel that silky light brown hair passing through his fingers, those wonderful warm chocolate eyes covering his body again, filled with pain and lust. He almost craved to touch those stone like muscles, which still seemed to him as the safest place on earth. He craved to feel those hands caressing his skin again. And the fact that he has denied it these past few years didn't help much. He looked at the ceiling with a blank stare. Truth be told, he has been attracted to Naoe since the first moment that he met him and when he left him on that dock with his coat still on his shoulders, smelling of him, Takaya badly wanted to scream for him to come back and be with him.

Did he even know what it did to him not to call for him? Seeing almost a year later with that old man, playing the fucking nice secretary like he didn't have any care in the world? Takaya has seen the regret that Naoe felt when leaving that president's side and he felt a pang of jealousy. No, freaking scratch that: he felt a damn wave of jealousy, seeing that loyalty which should have been his, yet covering another man! That's why he had trashed Naoe later. No, he hadn't been pissed off by the scene in the hotel room, although that had its short comings; it had been that belief that Naoe was bestowing on anybody but him.

Takaya put an arm on his eyes. Damn it! In that hotel room, it was the first time that Naoe was kissing him and calling him on his name and not Kagetora's! It sounded so true to his ears. For a moment he had been so tempted to succumb to that passion and forget everything. But by then, Kagetora's memory was slowly coming back to him and he remembered the things that his enemies did when they caught him. The humiliation. The pain. Only much later did he remember that actually it was Naoe that saved him back then, considering that such a manner to treat him was unbefitting to a lord such as himself. But by then it was already too late. Who would have known that Naoe Nobutsuna was going to treat him with such a respect and care and love although he had been the enemy? And, although he later on died together with him on the battle field, Uesugi Kagetora found himself grateful that he had been found by such a man like Naoe Nobutsuna.

If only they could have stuck to that. But they couldn't. The lives that continued their original one has brought them together still. Takaya felt that it had been almost natural for Kagetora to ask Naoe's total obedience and to get it. The older man seemed to be taken by his younger lord. But Kagetora treated him nicely, with the same gentleness and care that Naoe had when he took him out of that house of horrors. Occasionally there would be signs of that affection too: he would pat him on the shoulder or ruffle his hair trying to take away that permanent frown on Naoe's forehead. He would tuck him in the bed after they would have spent too much time hunting those creeps or he would brush his hair from his face when he slept. These were the only tokens of affection that he would give to Naoe at the beginning.

The kisses have come naturally. Making love was a natural follow up as well. It didn't matter to him that Naoe was a man. In that life at least, he has given up many years to cherishing Naoe and his loyalty towards him as if he was sensing that it was the last life that they had been friends. He still didn't know the extension of the older man's affection but Kagetora didn't really care. He just wanted to be with him. It had been a good life. A nice life. A happy life. It had been the only life when he finally felt that he was loved and cherished the way he always wanted to be. Perhaps this was why he encouraged Naoe greatly too.

But the next life hadn't been very easy. It took them a lot to find each other. It took them too long to discover their powers. It took them too much time to know each other all over again. So by the time Naoe came back in Kagetora's life, he was already in love with a woman and confessed that he would have liked to spend that life with her. Kagetora tried to ignore the pain that practically yelled at him from every pore of Naoe's skin. He was selfish enough to think that he deserved this, that he wanted Minako for his own, without interfering. He ignored everything and made Naoe his loyal subject all over again. They switched roles again, their friendship a little tainted by the feelings they have developed in the previous life.

Minako was enough for Kagetora and it had been a wonderful life for some time, reminding him of the previous one. He tried to have a normal life, to have a family and a job, something that he had never done before. He wanted to forget about the supernatural part of his life and for a period of time, he thought he actually managed it. Until one night when Haruie asked for his help on a difficult case. The exorcisation that he had been compelled to perform had been difficult. It didn't help that he had been wounded by some spirits so badly that he was bleeding to death. If he would have died right there, it would have been the end of everything. He knew that and Naoe knew that too. That's why he had sacrificed everything and made his spirit travel to Minako's body, making her lose her life. It didn't matter to Naoe that he had begged to leave him die, that he had tried so hard to let her live. Naoe was immune to such pleadings. He cared too much for Kagetora. They have spent far too many lives to lose him like that.

When Kagetora realized what has happened, he had cursed his partner and former lover and he had cried so many tears that he was still a little surprised when he would weep and they would fall down his feminine cheeks. He went mad with grief and pain and before he knew better, he sealed his powers away with his memories. The seal on his powers wasn't a powerful one. Just one of security. But that on his memories. Well, that one was another story.

"What are you waiting for, Naoe?" He whispered in the cold of the room and yet no answer came.

When he told him back then that he would be his, if made to submit, Takaya didn't think that Naoe would do anything. By the end of that adventure, Naoe seemed sick and tired of Kagetora Uesugi and just looked for a way out of his misery. It seemed highly unlikely to Takaya that the older man would try that. But he must have underestimated the power of love and lust that Naoe felt for Kagetora and before he knew it, and at a much faster pace than he had expected, he was submitted. And it wasn't like anyone has thought it would be. Naoe succeeded in making Kagetora and Takaya at the same time submit through his undeniable care and self-sacrifice; through making him appreciate what Naoe was doing for him; through making him want to see Naoe first thing in the morning and start to invent excuses to be with him more and more.

By the time he had realized what had happened it was too late.

He had fallen.

Hard.

Even now he remembered the discussion that they had when Takaya finally realized what was going on. They were meeting in the park after finishing another one of their ventures. The fade light of the morning sun was painting its usual colors in the sky and there was a strange piece between the two of them like it had never been before. The park was quiet and peaceful and they needed that as they were trying to get back their strength. Takaya looked at the sky with a content look on his face. Relaxed. Peaceful. Something that Naoe saw right away.

"You seem to enjoy yourself, Takaya-san." he whispered in his gentle voice, smiling in a crooked way as if afraid that the young man would rebuke him. Takaya looked for a moment at him and smiled back.

"I think I feel at peace at the moment." He replied staring back at the morning sky. "I have so few spare moments when I can do such a peaceful thing that I need to truly appreciate this peace. You don't seem that discontent either."

"In reality I am not. It is indeed a beautiful morning." He sighed contently and that made Takaya smile again. It was one of those few moments, when Naoe truly seemed like any other human being. The young man looked at his older friend again. That tension between the two of them had disappeared. That has taken him by surprise. There have been two years from that conversation in the parking lot and now it finally seemed to ebb away. Takaya smiled wider. Interesting. It felt truly nice to be like this with Naoe, like they were at the beginning of their friendship and not even Kagetora's memories clouded that.

The first rays of sun caressed Naoe's skin which seemed to glow. The older man closed his eyes and smiled enigmatically and all of the sudden Takaya's heart stopped. His breath was caught in his throat. He swallowed hard trying to gain his composure. When? When has that happened? When did he suddenly think about Naoe like that again? He looked at Naoe more confused than ever. Yes, he wanted badly to touch that skin, to feel that warmth, to let his head rest on his shoulder. He felt that somehow even Kagetora realized that, felt that, wanted that.

Slowly and painfully, Takaya took a deep breath and rested his head on Naoe's shoulder, feeling the other man tensing a little bit and then relaxing again.

"Do I always make you feel like you need to be on your toes, Naoe?" He asked gently not sure if he would get an answer.

"Always." He admitted and Takaya felt a tinge of hurt but he thought quickly that after all he deserved it. "But right now everything is all right between us, isn't it?" Naoe added with the same voice although a little bit huskier.

"Yes, I think it finally is." Takaya closed his eyes as well and rejoiced in feeling that warmth so near to him, enwrapping its magic around him and making him feel not so alone. "Thank you, Naoe, for being with me today!"

"It was an honour, Takaya-san!" The answer came right away and after a moment of hesitation, Naoe rested his head on top of that of Takaya's. The younger man realized then that there was nothing more that he could do than admit defeat. It was a sudden impulse, a moment in time, and now, no matter how much he would have liked to take that back, at that time, everything seemed so right.

"When would you like to collect your prize?" he asked instantly and he felt the older man flinch.

"Don't toy with me!" A half chocked whisper came and floated between the two of them.

"I don't toy with you." Takaya opened his eyes and looked at Naoe whose eyes were filled with sorrow and hope, all in one. There was also a strong desire in those eyes that made Takaya shudder and look at the older man with his earnest green eyes. "I promised some time ago that this would happen, didn't I? I am a man of my word!"

"I know you don't." He smiled hesitantly at Takaya and the latter wanted to laugh. He felt his stomach tied in knots and yet it felt so good. So right. As if he was doing the most natural thing in this world.

"Then? Why do you hesitate?"

"Is this what you really want?" Naoe asked in the quivering voice letting his head leaning unbelievable slow towards Takaya's face.

"Yes." He had answered and he disintegrated the distance between them, pressing his lips on those of the other man and tried to forget about the emotions that raged in him. They fought for dominance but let Naoe win. It felt too right like that. It felt too good. All too soon everything was over and the older man smiled as he gently embraced his former lover with something definitive in his gestures.

"I will come for you then." He whispered and Takaya tightened the embrace. It felt so right back then.

But now as he was sitting in his hotel room with the first rays of light shying away and looking for something else, as the morning sun was trying to get up for another day in the mortal world, Takaya felt abandoned. He felt strange. He felt lonely and empty.

He hasn't come. He hasn't called that he was late and when Takaya wanted to call him, the number was switched off.

He hasn't come.

What was he to do now?

He brought his knees to his chest and hid his face in the sheets of an empty bed. He didn't want those tears to fall, and yet they did. He didn't want to feel that pain and heart-wrenching ache and yet he did. In the end, Naoe Nobutsuna had won a far greater victory on him than he would have cared to admit. Now both Kagetora and Takaya loved the man.

"What are you waiting for?" He asked again through sobs, wondering where he had done wrong this time.

For a sole moment, he wished he could just let him go. Separate himself from him.

He wished he could disregard everything and forget about everything.

He wished he could.

But he couldn't.


	2. Naoe: Shattering

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable plot and characters belong to Mizuna Kubawara, the creator of _Mirage of Blaze_. I am just borrowing her characters for entertainment purposes.

Two

_I wish I'd known how to let you go_

He was running away again.

This time it was for real. This time it was forever.

He fumbled with the cigar within his thin but sensual lips. By now he had run his fingers through his silky hair so many times, he thought he would grow bald. He smiled acrimously in the darkness of the car. The light of the cigar lit his face every now and then, showing his tough face, and gracing over his tensed muscles. His heart was beating fast and he tried to steady himself but couldn't. Why was he running now that he had everything he wanted the most? He had wanted Kagetora so much and then he decided that he wanted Takaya too because the young man was something different, something more than the other people that Kagetora has taken over. But now that he had done so, that everything was within his grasp, he chickened out. He was running yet again.

The truth was he didn't believe it to be real. He had dreamed of it so many times, wished for it with all his power and will, he even fought for it, craved for it and when it finally happened, he fought desperately to get away from there, not to be there anymore. He was so confused and so much hurt, that his thoughts were starting to run wild within his mind. One however remained the one, which kept repeating itself, the one that said that everything was a lie, perhaps a dream of his own desires.

He tried to pay attention to the road ahead. The public lights glittered in the darkness of his car every now and then. The soft music didn't calm him down. It was a failure from the very beginning. He opened a little bit the window to let out the smoke of the cigar. The cold air might have woken him from the strange world that he was living now. To have within his grasp what he had wanted for almost a lifetime and to finally let it go seemed the only possible solution at the moment, no matter how absurd it seemed to the people outside. He was capable of nothing more and nothing else.

The truth was that he wanted more than anything to go back to the hotel room, to go by the window and embrace Takaya and Kagetora, the two men that now were melting in one. He could have done so from the very beginning, but deep down inside of him he knew that he didn't deserve such a thing. Maybe Kagetora was blaming many things on him, but the truth was that Naoe couldn't forgive himself for Minako. The blame that he was feeling was the worst for him. The horrible words that Kagetora had thrown to him back then were far less painful than what he did to himself.

He took a deep breath. In the beginning, his life has been simple. A loving family, an only boy among some sisters, raised him. Since he was the first-born, he was taught to respect the codes of honor. His family was not a very rich one but it was very important and with old traditions, therefore he was bound to serve a great shogun. He respected his father's opinion and done what he had been asked. He was the perfect son, and like any perfect son, he mastered the sword and the bow, he mastered military strategy, he mastered everything that he was required to know and acquire. He even married the woman that his parents appointed to him. He didn't know much about love anyways. He didn't care about it either. He discovered young enough that he was very attracted of both men and women and yet he had very few encounters with men and many with women. He took everything naturally.

He cared about his wife and his child, he cared about his family, and he cared about his duty as a nobleman and samurai. He cared about lots of other things, but there was no intensity about his feelings. He cared because he had to or because he felt like it. However, there was no passion burning within his eyes, taking over his guts, filling his brain and his heart. Passion was an unknown word for him, a mystery that sometimes made him wonder in the cold nights when he couldn't sleep and stayed like a stone besides his wife, listening her gentle breathing and wondering why he couldn't care more about anything. Sometimes he thought this was the best; he had seen some of his friends fall heavily because of passion. He had nothing against it, and yet he found that he could live his life very well without it.

Therefore, in those cold nights, when everything was peaceful and quiet in his household, when every servant slept, he wondered why that was; why he could live so peacefully without any major nagging feelings. Those questions didn't pester him often either. Most of the times it was simple and easy to ignore them, and he didn't dare discuss them with any other friends or relatives. There were matters of his and that was that.

Until he met _him_.

The Uesugi family had been a very important family, playing a key role in the military history of Japan along the years so it was no wonder that his family chose to unite their powers with them, although the things haven't gone so smoothly. Within the Uesugi household there were important struggles for power and in spite of the fact that secretly Naoe hadn't agreed with his father, they decided to support the rightful heir of the Uesugi men. He wanted to talk to his father before but then again the decision had to be made right away and therefore unlikely, they had chosen the right man. But his doubts kept staying back in his mind.

Uesugi Kagetora has always been a pain in the ass of the other noblemen and especially in the eyes of his stepbrother who wanted dearly to crush him and nearly succeeded. Naoe sighed. Kagetora-sama had more courage and passion than any of them; he could have clearly seen that in the strategies that he deployed against them. So when he heard that the great Uesugi Kagetora had been caught, Naoe Nobutsuna suddenly felt excited as a strange curiosity crept into his heart, surging from his guts and taking over him. So that night, after taking care of his business, he stopped in the middle of the house thinking a little bit of what to do. He felt that nagging doubt again. He felt the need to meet him, to talk a little bit about something, anything; maybe he could understand the mechanisms of how passion for life worked.

That night would forever stay in his mind and, no matter how much he had fought against it, it has always tainted the experiences between him and Kagetora-sama later on, in the other lives. Naoe wondered why; maybe it was because he had seen him in such a weak position or maybe it was because he saved him; either way, deep down Kagetora hadn't forgiven him for being a witness to that shameful past. Naoe felt somehow that his work resembled the work of Sisyphus. Each life he had to fight against the memories, to make Kagetora trust him again; and each time he did that, won it and lost it with each death. Although he fought against it so much, with all his soul and the passion that he later discovered, he still lost every single time.

But he didn't know that night would become so important for his future lives. That night was a cursed one and yet he had failed to see that until much later. Walking slowly with the demeanor that only such a powerful man like him could have, he entered into a very small room where only a fire was lit. The walls were empty of anything and there were some rags thrown in the corner. But the sight that welcomed him had been sickly stuck in his mind, even after so many hundreds of years of being around. In the middle of the room, next to the lit fire, there were three men whom he knew that they had been appointed to protect the precious prisoner. Their clothes were thrown around and they were almost naked. He gulped and stood there in silence for a moment not knowing what to do next, because as soon as he came in the room, the men looked petrified at him and tried to hide everything that made them guilty. They couldn't. There, amidst them, was the naked and broken body of the young man that he had wanted to meet for some time now.

Lithe muscles enwrapped in a soft skin; everything was long about the man: long legs, long torso. There was such a beauty held by that body that Naoe felt unprepared by the wild attraction that he suddenly felt surge within him.

"Nobutsuna-sama", whispered one of them but Naoe didn't mind the insignificant vermin. His hand was already on the handle of his sword, feeling the terrible need to take it out and put it deep down in the body of each vermin that was there.

He didn't understand the need to do that. He didn't understand why he felt such a terrible anger against them, anger against the men that have ravaged such a beautiful and exquisite body that had crippled such a passionate mind. His eyes were ice, his wrath was fire, and the men in the room felt it, even the prisoner. He raised his mesmerizing eyes towards him, freezing Naoe's blood in his guts.

"Nobutsuna-sama, you shouldn't be here." One of the men dared to point out, making a movement as he tried to pull his clothes back on. Naoe didn't think. He just grabbed his katana and deepened it within the chest of the other man, making him fall dead and cold to the floor without so much as a sound. The other two made their eyes wide with horror; before they could say anything else, a second one fell to the floor. Naoe felt the smell of blood and excrements and he knew by then what had happened within that room. The three men had raped Uesugi Kagetora and therefore they deserved to die. When he looked to the third man, the weakling stumbled to his ass and looked terrified at his master.

"Please, Nobutsuna-sama, it was Uesugi-dono that had ordered such a thing. I am not guilty of anything." Naoe's icy eyes looked back at him with such disgust that the man just knew he signed his death punishment.

"Don't you dare, vermin, blame this abomination on Uesugi-dono!" He hissed and looked down. "Our lord would never dirty his honor with such a horrible order. When you meet Kami, do apologize to him!" Then he swiftly decapitated the man without another question. He was breathing heavily under the gaze of the prisoner. Naoe was confused. So horribly confused. He didn't know why he had done such a thing and yet he had wanted to protect that man on the floor with all his heart and he knew that this was going to be the end of him. He had seen too many people die because of such stupid acts like his. And yet as he mirrored himself in the eyes of the other, he realized that he was right in doing so. He took a cloth to cover the naked body and the man on the floor flinched.

"Are you going to take your reward now?" Kagetora-sama asked in mockery and looked at Naoe as he was about to smash him and take his heart out. Naoe shuddered under the heavy gaze of green incredible eyes, which looked at him with such a force. They showed fierceness, toughness, hurt, and pride, but never despair.

"Please, don't disgrace my honor." Naoe had muttered in a small and soft voice and the prisoner flinched again and screwed shut his eyes really tight, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry." He whispered and the prisoner opened his eyes yet again.

"Don't! You dogs after all must obey my stepbrother. This is all what dogs can do: follow their master faithfully."

"I guess it's true." He replied smirking. These thoughts occurred to him often but Uesugi-dono deserved his loyalty because he was an honorable master. "But I guess it depends on the master too and since your dog betrayed you, what makes that of the master?" Kagetora's eyes shined for a little bit and then darkened even more.

"Interesting. A dog that thinks! And now what, dog?"

"Get dressed! If you make it quickly, we could make it back to your camp before the dawn hits the sky." The astonishment on the prisoner's face couldn't be compared to anything and Naoe felt actually proud of making him feel such a surprise.

"You're letting me go, dog?" Kagetora asked feeling a strange nervousness creeping into him as he looked back into the steel eyes. Usually he could read people, could read their deepest fears or just simple thoughts that crossed their kinds. However his savior was unlike others. That was for sure, however it made him even more dangerous.

"I don't find anything honorable into torturing you and then kill you without giving you the opportunity of meeting me on the battle field.

"But your master won't give you a bone, dog! You might have to be punished. You might die."

"What's death anyways?" Naoe had scoffed and turned around as the prisoner began to dress, without even being asked. He could guess the other man's surprise and Naoe felt a little bit better about himself. "Every man and woman dies on this earth," he continued, "and therefore I am used to the idea that I might die sooner or later. Especially since I am an active soldier."

"You really don't care about death, do you?"

"I honestly believe that there are scarier things in life than me dying." Naoe felt shocked by the ease with which he discarded his own life, yet found this easiness with the prisoner strangely comforting.

"So if I would kill you right now, dog, you won't feel any regret?"

"Really now, I thought that you are an intelligent man! You know that killing me won't solve your problems, oh, great master!" He mocked him again and turned around in time to see the prisoner dressed in a tainted military uniform half ripped and stained with blood. Kagetora's hair was tied in the back, giving him an even younger air than he knew he had. His face was proud to the point of being a complete arrogant and yet he felt how every little thing in his body reacted to the presence of the other man as if he was under an enchantment or something. And that scared the shit of Naoe. That passion that he wanted to feel was creeping into his bones. Why? Why was this man so important all of the sudden? Why did he want to take him away from there? To meet him on the battlefield and perhaps rather dying of his sword with those gorgeous eyes pinning him to the ground as his blood would gush out from the wound inflicted by the mighty sword?

"Come! Let's go!" He said softly again and Kagetora just nodded with his blank face. Naoe wondered briefly how this man would look flushed with passion, in the heat of the battle or in the heat of making love. He knew that Kagetora was gorgeous in those moments. He could understand why people wanted to follow him, wondered what might have happened if he had chosen this Uesugi brother. Naoe shook his head, making the thoughts go away. "Can you walk?'

"Almost. Help me, dog!" Naoe rolled his eyes for the very first time in his life and looked at the prisoner, who stood on the cold floor, forgetting about the ugly scents of death and murder, just pinning the savior with his eyes.

"It's Nobutsuna Naoe, Kagetora-dono!" He whispered as he gently pulled the younger man in his arms and for a moment, he felt the body tensing so much he feared it would break. But Naoe knew better. He just circled Kagetora's waist with one arm, while with the other took him by the arm, making him lean towards him even more. Naoe felt that a shock wave had crossed his body, and that was even more confusing, but just like everything else in his life, he put the thought back into his mind. The younger man seemed puzzled by his attitude but Naoe didn't really care back then. He just wanted to take Kagetora as far away of that cursed place as possible.

There weren't many people that looked at him taking the precious prisoner out of the headquarters. The ones that wanted to stop him were either too weak or didn't dare to stop a warlord as him. They knew better anyways: weaklings didn't have any business in asking questions to a man like him. It was a wonder but no matter how many soldiers they met on the way, nobody dared to stop them. Most of the times they looked at them a little puzzled by the fact that such a warlord like Nobutsuna was accompanying the man that looked such a ragged man. Nonetheless it was easier to get pass the safe lands of the older Uesugi. Naoe couldn't think of anything to tell Kagetora-sama, probably because it was so farfetched in his mind that he didn't dare to do that. He knew that he was in the presence of a great man and yet Naoe was still puzzled by his reactions and by how protective he felt for a stranger and most importantly for an enemy. He sensed the chill of the night taking him by surprise and he tried not to think of anything.

They were riding for more than an hour when something happened. Kagetora stopped the horse and looked at the man who saved him. Again, he felt the need of saying something, which could sound remotely grateful, but unfortunately, that was it. He was raised too arrogantly for him to even envisage something like that. Naoe looked at Kagetora feeling that it was the last time when they could meet again like that, not as enemies.

"Dog, don't get me wrong: I am grateful to a certain extent that you had saved me of that humiliation." Kagetora seemed to spit each word, as if he found all of it very difficult, or just being grateful to such an insignificant man like him was difficult enough. "However if you think that I will take you with me in my camp, you're deathly wrong."

Naoe was astonished. "I have never imagined something like that. I have saved you simply because I think it's disgraceful to act like that upon such an honorable enemy such as yourself." He said quietly not looking at Kagetora but somewhere behind him, in the dark of the forest where he found everything easier to concentrate on.

"You find me an honorable enemy?" He surely sounded surprised and Kagetora looked at him like he was an interesting toy all of the sudden.

"Yes, Kagetora-sama."

"It is very interesting that an enemy of mine considers me far more honorable than normally a man of mine would." Kagetora looked at him thoughtful. "These are strange times and not good for people like you and me. Maybe we will meet in another life and you will care to explain to me a little more about why you saved me and asked nothing in return."

"It's the passion." Naoe blurted before he could stop himself and he found that he was a little silly taking into consideration that he was older than the man in front of him and presumably a little more composed.

"Passion?" Kagetora repeated this time more than a little surprised by what he said. "What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know and this is not the time to ask such questions." He took his words back afraid that he might say something more than he would have liked to such an arrogant man.

"I see. Well, then, Nobutsuna-san, thank you for your deed but when we will meet again, we will be enemies." Kagetora said still surprised but Naoe smiled a crooked smile because he found very amusing the fact that all of the sudden they seemed so much closer than the usual.

"I will expect nothing less from you, Kagetora-sama." Naoe said quietly behind that smile again, hiding an aching longing already. He didn't want to tell the man in front of him that he considered that he might not make it to that battle. Unfortunately, the man in front of him seemed to be able to read the thoughts and he looked at him with mysterious eyes.

"You might be punished for what you did tonight." He said wincing and he looked at Naoe, who smiled again.

"It's the duty of a dog to be punished, is it not?" Naoe smirked again and this time he turned his horse, looking again composed and calm, a proud leader of one of the armies of Uesugi household. "But even if I am punished, it was a pleasure and an honor to meet you, Kagetora-dono, even in these horrible circumstances."

"What you saw tonight-"

"-has never happened." Naoe said this time in a very determined voice and Kagetora finally dared to look puzzled and let his armor fall from his face even if it was just for a brief moment. In the light of the moon, his eyes shown and his hair made him look like a demon of the night. Naoe would have let him take his life right then, but it wasn't supposed to happen. "Goodbye, Kagetora-sama!"

"Goodbye…Nobutsuna-sama." The young man told him in a soft voice with as much kindness as he could muster. Naoe smiled again and then rid in the opposite direction, feeling how something was slowly collapsing within his soul. Being in the presence of that man, Naoe felt more complete than he had ever felt in his boring and utterly empty life.

The ride back was much quicker and it ended all too soon. By then it was heard that he was the one to let Kagetora Uesugi escape, even helped and therefore he was arrested and sent almost right away to Uesugi-sama. Naoe has faced his lord and master with an incredible amount of calm, explaining what the underlings have said and how this might have affected his lord's reputation. On top of it all, Naoe claimed that nobody would have respected his lord if he had taken his victory from his brother like that. Uesugi-sama was convinced by the end of the conversation that Naoe had done nothing more than think for the greater good and although he didn't like what has happened, he let Naoe go.

In the months to come, Naoe had lived with the memory of that man day after day after day. Every time he looked for something else to think about, the thoughts of Kagetora had made him feel strangely possessed with that man's presence. He wished sometimes he could just cross those distances that separated them and just talk some more with that passionate man. He wondered if Kagetora at least checked what had happened with him. He wanted to feel important for the man although it was highly unlikely for such an arrogant bastard to feel something for someone like him. Nonetheless, he still hoped a foolish hope.

But time passed and the battles grew more terrible and fiercer and Naoe started to hate what the life on the front did to him. So when the final battle came, he felt a little bit relieved. They were winning; they were actually winning and that made him happy, that made him confident and in the end, this is what made him be there that day. It was there where he died, surrounded by four soldiers each attacking in turns, to make him fall. And he has fallen and the last thing that crossed his mind had been those green impetuous eyes that lit a final spark within him before everything went black.

When he woke up again, it was Kagetora's memory that lived more than anything else in his heart and mind, and when he finally saw the man again, he had offered his undying loyalty to him. It was nice how Kagetora was treating him in a gentler manner, making small gestures of affection. The friendship between the two of them deepened to the point where it became blurry around the edges. But Naoe was fine with that. He didn't mind how the others were starting to loom at them, sometimes making bad jokes, like Haruie or just pretended that they didn't exist. For him it was nice to be so trusted by his lord and master.

It was during one of these lives when he finally discovered what the strange feeling that took over his guts was when he could see Kagetora. However, he never expected everything to happen so quickly. Back then, they were sharing the same house. They were always lucky to be reincarnated into a rich family and therefore they had independence in their endeavors, something that Kagetora loved the most. Naoe however didn't like very wide space when it came to his space living so he chose an apartment when the time had come to move away.

It was in that small apartment that he shared his first kiss with Kagetora Uesugi in a moonless night. At the time, they were following a clan that wanted to regain back their control over some of the most important antiques that could have helped them in gaining a lot of strength in the spirits world. They had stopped them that night, but they were feeling pretty exhausted and so Kagetora chose to spend his night at Naoe's house. The older man didn't mind that. Much. It was hard enough for him to be next to Kagetora and not being able to do anything about it. It was hard to feel his scent around him, as if it was trying to call him. It was hard to feel his long fingers ruffling his hair or grabbing his shoulder. It was even harder when they would occasionally hug, taking comfort into each other's presence.

But the worst part had always been when Kagetora would look at him with the most earnest look, demanding access into his very soul. And Naoe always felt incredibly tempted to give that access, had he not been afraid of what this might mean. Losing his friendship was the worst thing that could happen and Naoe, thriving on the man's passion for so long couldn't do anything else than control his own feelings and bury them deeper and deeper within him. Until that night anyways.

Kagetora was exhausted, he had done the most of the magic spells and used much of his powers so it was no wonder that when arriving home, he had to make the man sleep so he took him in the guest room and slowly let him down on the bed. _Beautiful_. That man has always been beautiful and that had been the end of Naoe's resolution. He took the shoes off and then the coat and then arranged the man in a better position. Those soft lips however were calling him and he thought of a thousand reasons why he shouldn't do it and only one on why he should. And that single reason had been enough to shatter all his resolution build within life times of years and hours spent with the man that was now sleeping softly on the bed.

He slowly let his head fall closer and closer until he was only a breath away. He stopped, taking his time, inhaling the scent of the other man, feeling the soft texture of the lips even before actually tasting it. Therefore, he was surprised when all of the sudden Kagetora had closed the distance between the two of them in a passionate kiss. His eyes got wide because of the shock but then his brain short-circuited and kissed back the young man, nipping at his lips with teeth, sucking each breath until there was nothing left secret from his lips. And then he started to kiss the other parts of the face, marking them, making them his own, kissing them softly and generally trying to ignore the moans of pleasure that Kagetora was responding with. Then when the young man had let him sleep next to him, as a definite sign of trust, and waking up in the morning with a kind kiss from Kagetora, well, Naoe felt he could live like that forever.

Naoe sighed and stopped the car in an empty parking lot facing the dark sea. He slowly let his head on the steering wheel and closed his glistening eyes. Yes, that had been the life he had dreamed about, before and after it. They had made love afterwards, and they had been happy and died old and that had been more than he could have asked for. Then the next life came. Naoe inhaled quivering. Why did Kagetora have to meet Minako? He felt so betrayed because Kagetora wasn't trying only to forget about Naoe, but about their whole world as well, making him feel insignificant and empty and vaguely constantly in pain. So much pain that when he had to do what he had done, he felt numb and small.

But if he thought that they were hell, he didn't think right because it couldn't be compared with the life that came afterwards, when Kagetora had sealed his memories. Why? Why? Naoe hit the steering wheel.

Always cast aside and yet drown so close. Now what he was going to do? He couldn't go back there, couldn't face Kagetora or Takaya or both of them for that matter. There have been five years since they have met in this life and they have already missed so much time together. Five years. He raised his head and a small tear fell, because in the end these five years seemed like five lives to him. He had wanted that man so much, loved him the first time he ever saw him, but now it was all too late.

He was wasting time again.

However, this time he couldn't stop.

This time Kagetora _had_ to come after him.

But Kagetora Uesugi was never going to step on his pride. Naoe had to tell himself the truth.

This had to end.

But something told him that it had already ended.


	3. Together

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable plot and characters belong to Mizuna Kubawara, the creator of _Mirage of Blaze_. I am just borrowing her characters for entertainment purposes.

Three

_In the end nothing can be done against this feeling_

He stares out of the window and for the fourth time, the phone rings and he ignores it. It has been two weeks since he has got out of the house or since he has answered the phone. He tries really hard to live again, to move again in his life, but he can't. He is trapped in this constant moping, thinking for the first time that when he dies next time he remains dead. Too much suffering, too much pain with each life and too little happiness. He thinks that he should stop doing that. He thinks about many other things as well, but in the end, he only thinks of startling green eyes, surrounded by beautiful long lashes, he thinks of a young body next to him, enwrapping him in its warmth, he thinks about the passion of that person and about what they could have been, about what they could have meant for each other. He thinks about the night when he finally missed the opportunity of being with that person forever.

The truth is he doesn't regret it; he knows he has done the right thing, he knows that it was the best decision he ever made because that wasn't the relationship that he had been looking for. But the pain of losing Kagetora forever, of knowing that this time he won't be able to do anything more for it is crippling him, making him paralyzed with such an intense pain that living seems hopeless. He sighs in the darkness of the room lighted only by the lights of the city, outside of this den where he has been hiding for two weeks.

In the room there's not much furniture. There's a modern wardrobe, quite big where all his slick costumes are resting; next to it there's a small table with a TV on it and a small recorder that at the moment plays a soft tune, making Naoe think even harder. Opposite the wardrobe is the huge bed marked by two nightstands, and on one of them the phone is resting, the phone that finally stays silent in the dark. There is a comfortable chair in front of the huge window, where Naoe is currently resting and there is nothing more. On one wall, there is the door to his hidden closet and right next to it, there is the bathroom. He does have another huge living room, furnished almost in the same poor way and a kitchen, which was barely used because Naoe is such a disaster in the kitchen that Takaya laughed about it, saying that he might fire up the place one day.

But in the whole apartment there's no prove he is the one who is living in it at the moment. He doesn't have a picture with anyone and he doesn't make that sort of homey mess that signals the presence of a human being. In short, the apartment feels just as hallow as Naoe is feeling at the moment and there's nothing else to say about it.

He sits miserably in the dark of the room, with a bottle of whiskey on the floor close to his hand. There is a half drunk glass, and he still has a long night ahead. The phone starts ringing again and he ignores it. There is no point in talking with his friends at the moment, like he did in the first week. They don't seem to understand the decision that he had made; they don't seem to comprehend that things would have been a lot messier between the two of them, if he had gone there, to that hotel room where Takaya was waiting for him, ready to put behind years of torture and pain because now Kagetora was finally remembering everything and Takaya was finally assured that in the end the feelings were all that mattered.

Naoe is dressed in a pair of sweat pants and grey cotton t-shirt that makes his shoulders seem only broader, and his muscled arms stronger. _Safer_. But there's no one to admire him, no one to tell him to stop moping around and definitely no one to laugh with him, cup his face and tell him to forget his silly thoughts and come to bed, like Kagetora used to do in the first years of their relationship when everything had seemed so natural, so peaceful. So _right_. He can still remember the emotions that he felt, feeling grateful that he was finally able to be like that with the man that he loved for so long.

But now he is alone again, because he couldn't take the final step, because he was right, because Kagetora and Takaya together would have hated him even more. The phone stops with its annoying ringing and it makes Naoe sigh again, this time a little bit relieved. He just wants to wallow in self-pity and forget about the world around. He wonders what Takaya is doing now, what he is thinking of him, by refusing such a huge step in their relationship. He thinks of many other things. He just thinks. Never acts upon it.

The ringing of his doorbell makes him jump a little. It has been a week since the last time Haruie has barged into his home, threatening to put up a scandal if he wasn't going to fucking open the door to her. Naoe smirked in the dark. Haruie gets everything she wants even with violence. He hopes for a moment that she will go away, that she will stop telling him that he has been a stupid boy and that he would better call Takaya who is moping just as he is. Naoe is sure that Takaya isn't moping for the same reasons as Naoe but he doesn't want to tell that to Haruie. It would be like offering a reality to what is happening between the two of them and Naoe is the least of them all to want such a thing.

When the doorbell doesn't stop, he finally gets up and dejectedly goes in the hallway. He has to think of something fast, of some pitiful excuse that will make Haruie get mad at him and then go away, letting him just wallow in self pity and nothing else. But Naoe doesn't like to lie. Sure he hides things, he omits to tell the truth every now and then but lies? Nope, he has never told them so he just opens the door and lets his guest come in without even looking at her. He turns around and walks to the kitchen thinking that Haruie would want some cold beer to go with her bitching.

"Haruie, if I offer you a beer would you just shut up tonight, stop telling me what a stupid fool I am and just stay silent?" He asks just as he opens the doors of the fridge and grabs a bottle of beer.

"But you have been a stupid fool." The slightly agonizing voice and yet painfully manly makes Naoe drop the beer bottle on the pavement making it break in tiny little pieces of green glass just as he turns around and he sees that the late guest is definitely not Haruie.

"You're not Haruie." He states his thought with his voice out loud and the green eyes look at him for a little bit quite amused before a neutral look settles in them.

"I am sure I am not. I really don't like to be reincarnated in women…. Too many…. emotions that I can't cope with, so to say. It would be too much to feel."

"True." Naoe's shoulders go rigid with tension and Takaya doesn't seem so confident anymore. "You've never been exactly the one who likes to feel."

"No, I've never been the one to show what I feel." There's a new mysterious look on Takaya's face and Naoe wonders briefly what it means, but he has no ideas because at the moment he is drowning in Takaya's presence and in the warmth that the other man is and he just curses himself for not paying a little more attention.

"That's true." He finally nods in acknowledgment and finally takes a look at all the shards and it seems to him that they represent his life; this is what happens every time Kagetora Uesugi appears in his life.

He just bends over and starts to take them one by one, ignoring the new tension in the room. After a moment's hesitation Takaya bends over as well and helps him in silence. They clean the entire floor together in five minutes and Naoe wonders if this would be their life if he would accept Kagetora tonight. But he knows that Takaya hasn't come for this tonight. Most likely there's a new mission to be dealt with.

He finally throws the last shards of glass in the bin and looks a little perplexed at Takaya. There's a soft furrow of brows and that alerts Naoe even more.

"I would want that beer now if it isn't too much to ask." The young man decides to break the silence and Naoe just grunts and opens the fridge; he takes another bottle of beer, opens it up and gives it to the young man. He sometimes forgets that Takaya is 23 now that he's allowed to do many things that he wasn't when they first met.

"Why are you here?" Naoe suddenly blurts out and Takaya seems surprised probably because he expected that it was his duty to open the can of worms.

"Why didn't you come?" He asks feverish back and Naoe feel tensed like string, ready to break.

"Come where?" He pretends he doesn't understand. He needs time, time to think, time to find a good excuse to make Takaya leave.

"Don't pretend you don't know!" Takaya snaps at him and he flinches. The young man takes a deep breath and he seems as if his resolve shutters. "Just don't fucking pretend anymore. It's hard as it is."

"It's hard? To who? Because I certainly don't think it's hard for you." Naoe bites back and he goes in the bedroom, finding his own way in the darkness. He takes the glass of whiskey and drinks it in one swallow. He foolishly hopes for a second that Takaya will leave, that he won't stay anymore, but the young man seems to have other plans because he follows him in the bedroom.

"It's hard for _me_." Takaya says, stopping in the middle of the room, just as Naoe takes a second glass and lets the fiery liquid burn his empty insides. He wonders when it was the last time he ate but he can't remember because everything is blurry in his head and too goddamn confusing.

He growls. "I know it's hard for you without your faithful dog at your side, but in case these two weeks haven't been enough for you, then I will say it. I quit. I don't want to be your faithful dog anymore, a dog to a master that does only foolish and selfish things, that closes the doors to a life we could have had just because of pride. A master that isn't a true leader. That he will never be."

Takaya pales with each word and with each word he flinches and yet he doesn't leave in a fit as Naoe half expects him to; he just sits there, looking at him like he hasn't seen him before.

"I think I deserved that." Takaya finally mumbles and Naoe realizes that there's something wrong with this picture. Normally Takaya wouldn't behave like that; he wouldn't be so pliant over whatever foolishness Naoe is spewing at the moment. "But even if I said that, Naoe, I have never thought of you as a dog."

"Don't make me laugh." He chuckles bitterly. "From the first time when I saved you, I was a dog to you, even if I was risking everything at the time for you, even if my life was at stake and I hadn't even touched you."

"I know but-"

"Don't interrupt me!" Naoe howls and Takaya recoils again. "I go past years of devotion, of love for you; I do everything you tell me, I protect you, I take care of you even if sometimes you still behave like an annoying brat and still, you're so easily disregarding me when suddenly someone else appears in your life. And it doesn't matter what I do, it doesn't matter what I say because you still treat me as your dog and you're a spiteful man."

"You killed my child!" Takaya yells back.

"I know! Don't you think it has been hard for me? Don't you think I have suffered here, thinking that I deserve the worst hell? But I loved you, I wanted to save you; I couldn't think of a world where you won't be in. I thought that it would be the end of me and I didn't think. I didn't even know if she was pregnant or not. All that I could think of was that you were going to die and I wasn't going to allow that."

"You loved me?" Takaya asks in a strangled voice and for a moment, Naoe doesn't understand what he means for a second before it hits him. He is using the past of the verb, and for a moment, he is tempted to say that Takaya is wrong, that the verb is still very much present in his life, but he doesn't. He is so tired of being crumpled to pieces every single time when Kagetora steps into his life.

"Yes, loved." He chokes the word, Takaya finally lets his mask down, and he gets down on the bed, another sign that he won't leave any time soon and Naoe feels as anger surges through him. He wants him out, out of his house, out of his life and soul. But then he can't say anything. He just can't.

"I hated you back then with Minako, I hated you because you destroyed the chance of normal life, a chance of being a normal person at least for a life and in a matter of moments I decided to seal my memories away. As a revenge against you. But I really did wait for you in that hotel room, Naoe; it was something that I have been waiting for since that day when you left me on the pier, telling me that you loved me."

"You just wanted to make sure that I was still under your grasp, still ready to be your dog, but not anymore, Kagetora Uesugi. Not anymore." Naoe stomps with each pace he makes and then he just grabs Takaya on his forearm. For a moment there's a flinch of fear in the young man and Naoe hates himself for it, but decides to ignore it and just makes him get up on his feet.

"Naoe, what are you doing?" Takaya whimpers and this sound makes Naoe wish to do something totally opposite of what he is planning.

"I want you out. Get out and never come back!" He pushes him towards the living room being blinded by the light there. It shocks him to see a terribly hurt look on Takaya's face but he decides to ignore it. "Get out! Get out! I wish I will never reincarnate again, Kagetora Uesugi, I wish that next time I will just burn in the hell that awaits me and thus I will be free from you."

"NO!" The young man yells and in a matter of moments, without even realizing, Takaya breaks free but then he just grabs Naoe's neck and makes them come together in a tight hug. Naoe stays eerily quiet in the blinding artificial light, feeling Takaya's each heart beat, feeling his skin on his skin. What shocks him the most is the way the young man is still so perfect for his more mature body, how their bodies just ply themselves in the same hot way, making Naoe's head scream with the pleasure of finally having that man so close to him.

It takes more than a few tens of seconds to realize that Takaya tells him something:

"-I waited for you back in the hotel room, because I finally want to be with you, Naoe, no matter what condition you might have for me. I want to be like we used to be when we first discovered what was between us."

Naoe breathes every word and for a moment, he thinks he has died and gone to heaven for these are the words that he has been expecting for so long. He feels like his eyes are glistening with new tears, but then he takes a deep breath and he finally takes Takaya's arms away from him and just takes a step back. He feels tired and so hurt that it makes him chock with each breath he takes.

"I don't think that it is possible anymore."

"But why?" And there's a desperate edge to Takaya's voice.

"You don't know what love is." Naoe says and then makes another step back. "You don't know what it means to be able to sacrifice everything for the person you love. You always take and take and take and give nothing in return. Like you deserve everything and yet it's not like that. You have to work to keep somebody's feelings and this time, I'm afraid that you have lost mine."

"It's not true. I do know how to love. It's not fair for you to say that-"

"Really? Tell me then, when did you exactly show this love?"

"That's not fair."

"It's not? You don't know the meaning of the word. You don't know anything about it."

"Then tell me how I can work to regain those feelings. How can I make you feel them again?"

"What is it with you now that you want all of the sudden to have me again?"

"I love you!" Takaya blurts and Naoe's eyes get wide because of the shock. The young man looks at him just as shocked but then he just runs his long fingers through his jet-black hair and the expression on his face softens. "This is what I have been trying to say for some time now, actually ever since you opened that door for me."

"You're lying." Naoe bites back.

"I'm not! I wish I did, but I'm not. I told you that you can have me if you win over me, but you have done so from the very first moment we met many lives ago. When you stepped into that room, like a demon making justice and then saved me without asking anything in return. I worried sick over you when you returned although I told you that I didn't want you in my camp. I hoped that my brother was going to spare your life."

"You didn't seem like that."

"I know, I know, I am very good at hiding my feelings and just shut myself off." Takaya laughs bitterly. "And in the lives that followed, I hoped we could become closer and closer, which happened. I just got lost a little along the way; can't you forgive me for that?"

"No," Naoe answered without hesitation and it is almost like he slaps Takaya because he seems to recoil from the word, like Naoe has made him feel physical pain. "I can't because too many things have been said between us, too many harsh words and painful memories creep within each corner of my mind every time I see you and I get angry again."

"Tell me how I can make things better and I will," Takaya tries desperate, "I can't lose you now."

"You never had me in the first place."

"You said you loved me… I must have had you at a moment in time and you, you had me too."

"But you like playing too many games and now I don't know which the reality is anymore. I used to, but not anymore."

"Please, Naoe, please…"

"No, get out, please, just get out." Naoe feels so tired, feels like he just wants to take his dreams away and drown them in a pit of alcohol. "_Please_." It's his time to beg and this time he begs for freedom, freedom from what this meant.

Takaya looks like he had just lost his soul, like he has been killed and Naoe feels like this is how he probably must have looked over and over again as Kagetora had hurt again and again. Perhaps this is why he doesn't wait for his departure. He knows what the young man will do. When it comes to his heart, Kagetora is a complete coward and therefore he will flee before it gets too rough. He switches off the light from the living room and goes back in the bedroom, looking out on the window, feeling small and like he might have lost his very soul.

"Just tell me one thing." He hears Takaya's voice in the dark and again is surprised by the man's resilience. "One thing and I will leave forever."

"Fine, what it is?"

"Tell me that you don't love me anymore."

"What?" He turns around and looks at the young man who is closer than he had expected.

"Tell me that you don't love me anymore and I will walk from here, and I will let you live in peace."

Naoe freezes because he has hoped with all his might that Takaya wouldn't ask anything like that from him, that somehow he will manage to get away from that question. But as he stands there, in front of this man that has taken so much from him, he knows he can't lie. He can't lie to himself or even to him and that makes the things all the more difficult. He contemplates for a moment to try to lie, because getting rid of Takaya is so goddamn tempting at the moment, but he knows that he won't.

"I…"

"Tell me." Takaya whispers and makes one more step towards Naoe, who feels all the weaker.

"Don't-"

"Come on! It shouldn't be so hard if you wouldn't love me! Just tell it to my face!"

"I can't!" Naoe admits his defeat and feels like he would like to crawl in the darkest corner of the room, but Takaya takes another step and another until he's in his intimate space and there's new hope in his green eyes and Naoe suddenly feels confused again.

"Since you still have some feelings for me, would you just please hear me out? I want in your life for as long as you will have me and for the next lives that might come for us I want you in them too. Because it has been so difficult for me not be in your life for these last few days."

"Just for these last few days, Kagetora, you'll recover in a few days and then what will happen to me?"

"I don't think I will ever recover, Naoe, no matter how much I would try and I don't want to try." Takaya makes a final step and they are so close that Naoe can feel his breath tickling his skin and it makes him feel all giddy inside. He knows that if he reaches out just a little he could embrace him. He wants it so badly but he fights against it with all his will.

"I can't promise that I won't hurt you again, because I will; I'm a proud man and sometimes do things that I don't want just to spite people. But," he continues as he finally cups Naoe's cheeks, "I promise you that I will stick around, that you won't be alone anymore carrying all this. I promise that I won't hide my feelings anymore. I promise-I promise" his voice falters, "I promise I won't walk away. _Ever again_."

"Please, don't lie. Just kill me now, but please don't lie." There is so much pain in his voice and unfortunately, Takaya recoils again because he understands that he is the one who has caused everything.

"I don't lie, I swear. Just please… I _beg_ you, let me be with you, Naoe, just let me with you! I _beg_ you." He is shocked again to see such desire in that man; in the way he tries to fight against the urge to kiss him. Naoe looks into Takaya's eyes and there it is, unexpectedly: love - passionate, excruciating love; and fear, fear of rejection, fear of being without him. Naoe can't believe it for a second; he feels like he has lost everything in these two weeks and then wins even more in just twenty minutes.

"Very well." He hears himself saying, watching as Takaya finally relaxes and looks at him with those hopeful eyes, still full of love and Naoe can't quite believe that. "Stay then. But I won't lie to you: it might take a while and much work."

"I can take it…. I love you." He whispers again, but Naoe can't feel himself capable of saying it back just yet and it seems as if Takaya understands it because he doesn't presses any further. He just stands there. Waiting.

Naoe leans a little and then their lips are close and then they kiss and Naoe thinks for a split second that he is in heaven again. He feels again that sweet scent in his nostrils, the one that belongs only to this man. And the kiss becomes so more passionate, and Naoe feels the nice taste of Takaya's mouth and just wants more, but he feels still very tense, waiting to be rejected.

But it doesn't happen because Takaya just pulls gently away and makes him come closer to bed and Naoe looks questioning at him.

"It's all right." Takaya kisses him gently this time and Naoe feels his mind full of passion. He finally feels the passion and he has waited for this for so long. He feels happy and he gently tugs to Takaya's black t-shit.

"It's all right to do this?" He gently whispers and Takaya just smiles comforting and stretches his arms and then Naoe just loses control. To have this man again and this time for real, because he wants it, because he needs it, well, it's more than he can take and so he just pulls over his t-shirt and kisses Takaya passionately again, making their bodies come close again. And skin on skin is perfect but skin on skin in the giant bed is even better and when his senses get overwhelmed by everything it doesn't matter anymore. Because there's only him and Kagetora, just Kagetora's kisses, Kagetora's whimpers and moans and harsh breaths which make Naoe lose his mind even more, cut the connection with reality and then time stands still and there's nothing else but these two bodies making love in a dark apartment and lighted only the light outside. And oh, _making love_ sounds so nice and it feels so nice and Naoe is the seventh heaven.

And when he wakes up in the morning, he feels for a moment sheer panic. He thinks that everything is just a dream, that he will be utterly disappointed. But then he feels smooth fingers tracing his features with such gentleness that Naoe just opens his eyes and stares into green eyes. And he finds there love and he finds there devotion and as Kagetora leans to kiss him again, he feels his skin tingle and thinks that this might actually last.


	4. Epilogue

**Disclaimer:** Any recognizable plot and characters belong to Mizuna Kubawara, the creator of _Mirage of Blaze_. I am just borrowing her characters for entertainment purposes.

_We have eternity_

_Two years later_

It is when the watch changes to three a.m that Naoe wakes up with a startle. For a moment he looks confused in the darkness of the room and he automatically puts his hand next to him. He catches his breath for a moment and he counts to five to calm himself down because he really has no reason to worry. He _really_ hasn't. He looks finally towards his side where his hand has touched the torso of a young man. Dark hair falls a little bit over closed eyelids, which hide the most wonderful green eyes. He swallows a little bit before his eyes wonder a little more. The sheet covers the lithe body and Takaya is sprawled on his stomach with his face towards Naoe, breathing slowly, a safe sign that he is still asleep and that Naoe hasn't waken him up. There are some bruises on his left shoulder and Naoe almost leans to kiss them when he suddenly feels a pang of pain in his left hand and then he remembers everything within a minute.

They had a new job and the ghosts had been a little more violent than the usual spirits. He had tried to protect Takaya with his body as usual and fell through two flights of stairs before finally stopping into a window. That has definitely not been his best moment. And now he was covered in bruises and his left hand has been in a casket for two days now. Still he resents the fact that Takaya has those bruises and he ignores the pain as he slowly kisses the dark shades, wishing he could take them away.

"You're feeling guilty again," mumbles a voice still thick with sleep and Naoe smiles apologetic as he gets back on his back, with his healthy hand still on Takaya's torso. He looks in those startling green eyes, still confused from sleep.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," he whispers lovingly and this time Takaya's face breaks in a nice smile too.

"You're an old sap, you know that? I don't care about sleep. And tomorrow it's Sunday anyways. We can sleep as much as we like." Takaya isn't asleep anymore and he chuckles a little bit as Naoe's fingers trace a small pattern on his hard back. "Why are you sorry for anyways?"

"I should have protected you better and-" In a very sly movement for a sleepy person Takaya turns towards him and cups his face with his longer fingers. His green eyes are glowing a dangerous light and for a moment, Naoe feels how all his life is taken into that light.

"Don't ever say that! _Ever_! You took two flights of stairs and a window for me. You don't know what it did to me to see you there, on the cold floor among shards of glass, broken and bloodied. The bruises are nothing to me. I wouldn't want my life without you in it, so you'd better get used to the idea, Naoe."

Naoe wants to say that it is a stupid thing to say and that they both should stop taking all the things so dramatically, but then again Takaya has never been a man of many words. So when he leans down and kisses the life out of Naoe, the older man simply forgets about all the objections and just tilts his head so that Takaya may have a better access and feels how the gentle moves take him away from the bad dream that he had, from all the confusion. Takaya's tongue is gentle and it traces Naoe's lips, making the older man shudder with passion, and enwrapping the small waist with his healthy hand, pulling his lover closer and closer until there is no more space between the two of them, not even air.

And he forgets everything as he passes the night in the other man's arms, feeling that he is appreciated and loved. This is something that Naoe can't get used with it yet, although it's been two years since the night when Takaya came begging his way back into his life. He still waits sometimes to see the man that he loves come and tell him that he will walk out from his life. It is not fair for Takaya who really tries to make the best of it, but unfortunately, Naoe can't help it. The idea of being this happy has been so far-fetched into his mind that it's almost always shocking waking up with this beautiful man next to him or hearing "_I love you_" or being treated nicely… gently…lovingly.

When he wakes up late in the morning, he is lonely in the huge bed but the clatter from the kitchen and the muffled sound of the TV tell him that Takaya is a busy man. He smiles contently and he drives his battered body towards bathroom, where he fights with the shower and finally drowns his doubts away. He puts on some clean sweat pants and a clean white t-shirt and goes back in the bedroom. He can't do much with just one hand, but he cleans the room as best as he can and lets the fresh air flood the room. When he finally gets out of the room, he feels pretty satisfied with himself.

They have moved together here one year ago and Naoe falls in love with this small house more and more. It's in a really nice and quiet neighborhood where people aren't interested in why two men have moved together. They don't ask stupid questions but they are friendly and greet them, even ask them sometimes how they are. It warms Naoe's heart because he really doesn't want Takaya to feel bad for the decision that he took so willingly a couple of years ago. The house is small, just three rooms, a living room, two bathrooms, and a kitchen. A porch completes the perfect garden that they have in the back where sometimes Naoe sleeps feeling Takaya's hands running through his hair. He loves coming back to this place especially after such hard jobs like the one they had this week.

He descends just in time to see Takaya moving around the kitchen and he stops for a while just admiring the man that he loves so much. He's definitely more mature and his body seems to be so well proportioned that Naoe almost aches just at the thought of touching it. Takaya wears also some grey sweat pants and a black t-shirt, making him look younger than he really is. He hums something as he just arranges the final plates on the small table next to the window; the whole kitchen is bathed into the light of the sun, making Naoe feel like this is perfect, this is all he wanted. So he ignores the nagging pain of the hand and the pounding head and the other small cuts and bruises that make him feel that he fought against an army of elephants.

He smiles softly when Takaya finally sees him and stops dead on his tracks.

"You really are a morning person…"

"And you aren't." Takaya smiles just as softly, comes near him, and kisses him. It is just a smooth and short peck on his lips and yet Naoe feels really good about it. "But I have to take care of you…"

"Oh, don't make it sound like such a burden for you."

"I'm just wondering," Takaya continues in a teasing voice, while pushing him gently towards the table, "if I'm not taking care of you, who is going to?"

"That's true. I would be lost without you."

"Exactly. I'm glad you realized that; now just sit back and enjoy the breakfast. You're an invalid after all."

"I wasn't an invalid this morning in bed." Naoe smirks a little bit and Takaya flushes a little bit, but then he grins evilly at him.

"You're invalid only when it suits me." Naoe laughs at that and Takaya smiles really happily at him. This is one of those mornings where Naoe is just so damn happy that he doesn't know what to do with himself.

They eat in peace, banter like this, joking and then Naoe feels so much better. He takes dutifully his pills and let's Takaya take all the dishes because he is full, the food has been great and nothing more.

"You know, today we could-" But Takaya stops himself on tracks and Naoe looks at him confused. And then suddenly there it is: the insane fear that this is _it_, this is the moment when Takaya tells him that he is sick and tired of him and walks out and they become dog and master again. He feels his heart clenching tightly into his chest and he tries to breathe a little more but then again it is impossible for him. He grips something, anything and he wishes he could interpret Takaya's stance because it isn't anything that he understands.

The young man looks at him in awe and he slowly approaches. Naoe tries really hard not to tense but it's so difficult when you're waiting the end of the world. He thinks that he should be happy, that at least he had these two wonderful years, at least he has been loved and cared for all these couple of years. But no, damn it! It's not enough. He wants more and more.

Takaya seems to ignore Naoe's stance because he simply kneels in front of Naoe, between his legs and he just cups his face in such a gentle way that Naoe relaxes a little bit. He really would love to say something because Takaya looks at him with such reverent eyes that he becomes somehow confused.

"Do you know how gorgeous you are?" Takaya softly whispers coming even nearer until there is little space between them. He kisses tenderly small parts of Naoe's face and the older man that he is finally crumpling to a mess in his lover's hands. "You sitting in this light…. It feels like there is a halo around you. Your eyes are so kind, so gentle, so full of love… and of fear."

"Fear?" Naoe almost squeaks at that. And he tries again not to tense, but it's impossible anyways with Takaya so close.

"Yes, you must stop being afraid of me leaving you, Naoe." Takaya finally looks into his eyes. "I'm not going to leave you from now on. This is it: you and me, we are final, we are _forever_. I'm not going to realize that I want something else, I'm not going to say that I want something else. You're not going to get rid of me, so get used to the idea. You and me – I won't let anyone or anything get in our way. Not even _eternity_."

And Takaya's eyes are strangely glistening and Naoe feels his own like that as well. And there's a lump in his throat. So unmanly, but he doesn't give a damn.

"I love you so much," he chokes out. "I really _do_ love you."

"I love you too," Takaya replies with so much in his voice that he breaks down. But his lover is there to catch him and so Takaya kisses him, this time deep with tongue and teeth and it feels so perfect and they pull away only when Naoe is almost out of breath and dizzy because of the lack of oxygen.

"So I thought," Takaya continued to whisper, almost afraid to destroy the magic that surrounds them, "when you're feeling better and you don't look like you want to stay in bed all the time – well, I just thought you might want to exchange some rings with me."

Naoe feels like his heart stops but this time for all the right reasons. He knows he grins stupidly but he can't help it especially when Takaya grins just as wide.

"Are you proposing?"

"Definitely. If I wait for you, this won't ever happen. You are satisfied with so little, when you deserve so much more."

"Hmm, I wonder what I should answer…"

"Let's pretend you didn't say this." Takaya kisses him again, still smiling and Naoe wraps his hands around his hips to pull him closer and closer. Their bodies are so perfect together.

"So that's a yes?" His lover asks in a breath break. Like he would actually answer differently.

"Definitely yes."

"Look, I know this isn't legal or anything, but I honestly just want to feel an official connection to you and I think that wedding rings might help me with that."

"You just want to mark me as yours."

"Yes, because you're mine and I want everyone to know it." Takaya growls and then he just starts to kiss Naoe again on his eyes, years, neck, everything, all the time whispering _mine_.

It is when he pulls away again and kisses him softly, it's when those bright green eyes look at him with such love – yes, that's the moment when Naoe feels, no, _knows_ that they will definitely be together in eternity.


End file.
